Bottle Green Love
by flyingcowsmakemehappy
Summary: James loves Lily, but can Lily forgive his past and look into the future? Set in the Marauder's 7th year, rated M for sexual scenes. JPLE.
1. Memories

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters, but if you happen to see any for sale I would love to buy them!

**Memories**

'Good night.'

Those simple words had made my day, stuck a golden halo on my mood, and chased away the dark shadows cumulating inside me. It wasn't really the words, to tell the truth, it was the person who said them. A person so great, that they could change the course of the world with a single smile. That is, if you lived in my world.

I suppose many would like to live in my world, would like to live the life of the 'golden boy'. Not that I am perfect, far from it, but people tend to admire those who are unfortunate enough to have a blood-sucking entourage of fan-girls and pureblood lineage to boot. It makes my life living hell. What wouldn't I do to escape 6 years worth of egotistical reputation, and start afresh.

I have no regrets, and I have no misgivings. I only wish for one thing. Yet, my heart's yearning is the one thing that I can never have. The one thing I have ruined for good. Lily Evan's love.

Yet, what can I say? I was just a kid. I admit I was rather indulged, both by my aging parents and by my most loyal mates. Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew.

Sirius (Padfoot) and I were like brothers, in both heart and mind. We both shared a love of fun, jokes and the look on people's faces when they realized that the wool had been pulled over their eyes.

Remus (Moony) was the most studious of the four of us. He constantly had his nose in a book and was a bit of a stickler for rules. Although he is probably naturally school-inclined, I think it might be a security issue. He feels as if he had to excel at everything to compensate for his 'little problem'. We love him anyways.

Peter (Wormtail) is the oddest of us. He is rather mousy, and seems to have a very submissive personality. Sometimes I think he acts like Padfoot and I are gods. Other than that, he is okay to be around, although he lacks certain features that the rest of us share, (looks being a prime example.)

In our 2nd year, we were spending a detention with the caretaker of the grounds, a ancient man by the name of Argus Flitch. I believe the incident at hand had something to do with hanging Snivelly's graying underpants out of the astronomy tower, but I am not sure, when he sprayed, "Professor Dippit swears that if we have any funny business out of you, you," (here he paused, his face a rather interesting shade of plum) "You Marauders! Than you will all have detentions with me for the remainder of the term!" he finished. After that incident, we dubbed ourselves the marauders, and marauders we remain.

Back to Evans though. I loved her. From her milky white skin to the way her cheeks flushed when she was particularly angry. Her copper tendrils, to her emerald eyes. The way her soft body hunched over her text books in the Gryffindor common room. Yes, Lily was perfect.

Unfortunately, she seemed to resent my prankster ways and everything that went with them. She was the only one who rushed to defend Snivelly and pointed out my every flaw. She never smiled back in the halls, and she always turned my frequent requests for her company. She said she could never date someone whose head was so inflated. She told me I was cruel. She scorned me and my fan girls. (Not that I asked for them!) She told me that there was no way on earth that she would succumb to the whim of someone so daft. Yet I kept trying.

I hadn't meant for it to happen. At the time I didn't even know. It was 3rd year, four years from today, and Sirius and I had consumed a wee bit to much firewiskey. We had a reason to celebrate though; I had just won my first Quidditch Cup. Of course, Sirius was never one to turn down the offer of booze, so he joined in the fun.

In my inebriated state, I had sauntered over to Evans, and told her that I needed her help. Running my hand through my hair, I drawled, 'Come on, follow me!' I thought I looked so sexy, but than again, with that much alcohol in my bloodstream, I would have thought the giant squid was pretty damn hot. In my alcohol slanted vision, her skin glowed with an errant light, and her hair was a rosy halo. I had never seen anything so entrancing, so arousing.

She had tucked her long hair behind her ears, and looked at me quizzically. At this time, she had only minor dislike for me and my crowd; she thought that we were annoying, but not bad. Being the innocent and good-willed person that she was, she had complied, and followed me to the third year boy's dorm. As I had stumbled up the steps, my world spinning before my eyes, she followed me.

It hurts how much she had trusted me than. How she had walked slowly in my wake, placing her hand on my back when I faltered. How her deep green eyes were trained on me with concern.

When we reached the top of the stair, I had slunk my hand around her waist, and lead her past Remus, Peter and Sirius's beds. When we reached mine, I wrenched the hangings back, and flopped down upon it. I pulled her protesting form into my lap.

"Li-y," I slurred, "I luff yoo Li-y." A foolish grin on my face, I pulled her close, crushing her lips on mine.

"James." She hissed, "Stop it."

I smiled at her, and poked her brow. "Silly Li-y. I dun wanna sop." As if that should have ended the whole conversation, I had placed my hands on the small of her back once again holding her against me. She wriggled in my hold, but I had refused to let go. Snaking one hand up her loose blouse, I grinned.

She placed both hands on my chest, and shoved me backwards. My head snapped back, colliding with one of the bed posts. My stomach reeling, I watched her flee, not registering any of it. I laughed, but my joviality was cut short by my body's rejection of the firewiskey.

I looked up to see Remus towering over me. Lily stepped out from behind him, disgusted at my vomit covered body, "What the hell James?" She had rasped, "You keep your hands off of me, you pervert. I don't give a shit about what compelled you to do that, be it firewiskey or pure lust. I hate you Potter!" With that she fled, leaving me to stare, confused at Remus.

Shaking his head, he refused to meet my eyes, "Sorry man." He mumbled, before turning and walking to his own bed and drawing the drapes.

I didn't realize until later that she had like me. Not in a lustful way, but she hadn't detested me. For a while I had made my life's goal to annoy her as much as possible. The marauders had made her life living hell, although Remus never did enjoy it much. We put frogs in her bed, and transfigured her books into rabbits.

In my 5th year, I found a depth to myself that I hadn't realized before. My heart throbbed for her, but I knew that if I had confessed to her, she would think me joking. After all, she was the one who I had taunted for the last 2 years. Although I did ask her out routinely, she always rejected me.

I was royally fucked.

**Author's Comments **

This is my first fanfic, so please review and tell me what you think. pokes review button. Constructive criticism is great, but be sure to include how to fix it! Thanks so much!


	2. Secrets

Thank you everyone who reviewed! I really appreciate it!

Disclaimer: I am not JKRowling, as much I would like to be. Also, I would like to buy Tom Felton. I can pay cash.

**Secrets**

James slumped down in his seat, his messy black hair matted from sleep. He warily opened his bleary eyes, almost afraid of what he might find. With a resigned sigh, he squinted his eyes and surveyed his surroundings.

He was obviously crammed in a small compartment on the Hogwarts Express; his best mate's sprawled across it. That was nothing new. They had been making the passage to Hogwarts School of Witch Craft and Wizardry for the past seven years. As they slumbered, their last passage to school had been slipping away. A small part of James felt remorse, but the rest of him was anticipating the year to come.

It would be the Marauders last year at school, and they had planned to completely wreck havoc. Plans of flooded corridors, expeditions to the forest and fanged Frisbees had filled their conversations.

James was obviously looking forward to Quidditch practice; a certain letter had proclaimed him the caption of the Gryffindor team. He played chaser on the team, and was completely devoted to the sport.

The same letter had bared tidings that James hadn't anticipated at all. It had proclaimed him the head boy. A shiny heads badge was currently rolled up in a rather bulky pair of socks. He hadn't been sure how to break the news to his friends. Head boy went against his very nature in a way.

Of course he had been bursting with pride when he had shown his parents, but he had a nagging thought in the back of his head that Remus should have gotten it. Remus was the prefect, the studious one. They had all expected Remus to be the one to sport the shiny badge.

Yet, his parents had looked so proud. James was finally living up to their expectations.

Sirius already knew. He had finally fled the hell-hole that he had called his family. Not that they cared.

Sirius tarnished the family name. He was a stanch Gryffindor, while his parents were Slytherin through and through. They discreetly supported the uprising of a wizard called Voldemort, who had been causing a lot of troubles, and they scorned their light-hearted kin.

Sirius had taken refuge with the Potters, who had welcomed him with open arms. Ms. Potter had fussed over him almost as much as she had fussed over her own son. Sirius had taken well to the Potters loving attention.

When James had found out about being named head boy, he had made Sirius swear to secrecy. While his jovial hearted friend hadn't completely understood James' need for secrecy, he agreed to hold his tongue.

Now, they were all on the train, and James pondered how to tell Remus. Remus wouldn't get mad, but he would sulk, in his own way.

Forcing thoughts of Head Boy-ship out of his head, James switched gears and thought about the trip so far.

Earlier, Sirius, excited to be going back to school, had bought practically the whole food cart, and rapidly consumed his purchases. The nice lady who sold the snacks had voiced her remorse for anyone who had to share a compartment with the sugar-filled teen.

As a result of such, Remus, Peter and James had to suffer though about an hour's worth of "I swear to sugar-high I'm not Merlin," and the usual, "Hello, I am Sirius, and I like... (Insert random word here)!" They smiled weakly, and proceeded to ignore him, despite all his attempts to catch their attention.

When he had finally calmed down, the rest of them had been so exhausted that they had promptly dropped asleep, Sirius not that far from the shores of sleep himself.

Now, awaking from his slumber James saw that Peter had his mousy face squished up against the train window, with a long stream of drool dripping down the side of his face. A soft snore issued from his plump body, reminding James of a rather odd pillow. All together, that image was rather nauseating.

Ignoring the uncomfortable flipping of his stomach, James turned to Remus. Remus was awake and had his pale face buried in book, as usual. Never tearing his eyes away from the page, Remus unconsciously brushed one caramel lock out of his face.

James suppressed a grin, the high and mighty Remus Lupin seemed to have acquired a vain streak after hanging with the Marauders for 6 years. Of course that was only to be expected, but James hadn't really noticed it before.

All together Remus looked much better than he had in the past. The summer must have been good to him, James thought. He had his costmary dark circles under his eyes, but it was more tortured artist than insomniac manic.

Sirius, it seemed had crashed after his sugar-high and was now sprawled on the floor of the compartment, dead to the world. His elegant head was lolling on his shoulders, as he licked his lips.

As a loud snore echoed though out the compartment, Remus looked up, started.

Meeting his friend's hazel eyes, Remus spoke, "Oh, Prongs. I thought you were asleep." He smiled, laugh lines lightening up his fatigued face.

"I was." James mumbled blinking rapidly.

Remus glanced out the window, his fair brow wrinkling. "It looks like we will be at Hogwarts in about an hour and a half. I have a prefects meeting 30 minutes before we arrive. I wonder who the head boy is? I assume Lily Evens got head girl."

James cleared his throat uncomfortably. "You will find out soon enough, eh?"

"Ya." Said Remus vaguely his grey eyes clouded. With a toss of his head, the puzzled expression slipped off, replaced by a grin, "Lets see who can wake Padfoot up first!" He joked.

"Sounds wicked!" James responded.

They crouched on the floor, and proceeded to use all sorts of tickling, poking and the infamous feather dusting charms on their friend. Despite all this, Sirius refused to wake.

After a while, the sun started to set, casting its rosy hue over the land. Drawing himself up onto the set, Remus got a dreamy expression on his face,

"It's so beautiful," He murmured, "I wish I could drift away, and live in the sunset."

They sat, more intimately than ever before, their fingers entwined, but it was not a sexual attraction; it was pure friendship, and wonderment at the world.

As the sun sank into the land, darkness settled into the train. Night was falling; they would arrive at Hogwarts in about an hour. James rested his head on Remus' shoulder, his mind wandering.

Soon, something in James's head clicked. "Oh shit." He yelped, running his hand through his hair in a distracted fashion. Leaping out from his seat, he stumbled out the door of the compartment, disappearing towards the front of the train.

The slamming door had roused Sirius from his slumber, and with a quizzical look toward the door he sat up.

"Um... Moony?" He questioned, glancing toward the door, "what was that?"

"I don't know," responded Remus, "I just don't know."

As always, I would love to hear your thoughts! Review away.


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